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How to Help your Distressed Child: A Guide for Georgetown University Parents

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Why you are so important

Parents are in an important position to identify and help students who are in crisis or distress.  This may be particularly true for students who can not or will not turn to friends or faculty.  Many of these students have not sought counseling and may be unaware of the services available to them.  You may be the first to notice changes or hear about early signs of distress (during break when they return home or during phone conversations with them).  Students are apt to turn to you, especially if they perceive you as available and willing to listen, and not panic or trivialize their problems. Your expression of interest and concern may be a critical factor in saving your child's academic career or even his/her life.

Possible warning signs of a Student in Distress

Academic

• Deterioration in quality of work
• Missed assignments or appointments
• Repeated absence from class or lab
• Continual seeking of unusual accommodations
• Lack of engagement in participation-oriented classes or labs
• Inappropriate disruptions

Physical

• Marked changes in behavior and/or appearance
• Excessive fatigue or sleep difficulties
• Visible increase or decrease in weight
• Exaggerated personality traits or behaviors (agitation, withdrawal, lack of apparent emotion)
• Excessive use of alcohol or other drugs
• Unprovoked anger or hostility
• Irritability, constant anxiety, or tearfulness
• Marked changes in concentration or motivation
• Overtly suicidal thoughts

Other Signs

• Isolation
• Dependency or seeking a lot of your attention
• Direct statements indicating social and academic problems, personal losses, break up, etc.
• Written notes, emails, or verbal statement that has a sense of hopelessness or finality
• Your sense, however vague, that something is seriously amiss

Consulting with CAPS

If you decide to be more explicit about your concern with your child, feel free to contact CAPS (202-687-6985) to discuss various options on how to handle the situation before you speak with him/her.  If you are currently speaking with your child and he/she seems to be in extreme crisis, you can request to call CAPS for consultation, at that moment, for your own support on how to handle the situation.  In case of emergencies after-hours, you can page CAPS.  A clinician will help you:

• Assess the situation, its seriousness, and the potential for a referral
• Propose possible interventions
• Explore resources, on and off campus
• Find the best way to make a referral, if appropriate
• Clarify your own feelings about the what is going on and consider ways you can be most effective
• Discuss follow-up concerns after you have spoken with your son or daughter.

Talking with your Child

Converse with your child, when you know there is privacy, and when both of you have the time and are not rushed or preoccupied.

• Be direct, specific, and non-judgmental, and especially when expressing your concern.
• Avoid judging, evaluating, criticizing, even if the he/she asks for your opinion.
• Avoid offering advice outside your area of expertise.

Listen carefully and sensitively, to his/her thoughts and feelings in a non-threatening manner. 

• Give your child your undivided attention.   
• Communicate understanding by repeating back the essence of what he/she has told you.  
• Let your child talk; don't minimize or immediately provide reassurance.  Telling them that things aren't that bad, or that he/she has everything to live for will likely discourage further disclosure, and may increase his/her sense of guilt and hopelessness. 
• Praise them for being open and honest with you.

Ask specifically about their level of risk (regarding suicidal thoughts)

• Ask if they have thoughts about suicide.  Use the word suicide.  This does not increase the risk, and most students are relieved to have someone to talk to about this.
  • "Do you ever feel so badly that you have thought of suicide?"
  • "Do you have a plan?"
  • "Do you know when you would do it (today, next week)?"
  • "Do you have access to what you would use?"
• Never agree to keep suicidal thoughts in confidence.
• Suicide can be a scary topic, especially for a parent, but it can be a very serious one that needs attention.
• Asking the above questions will allow you to determine if your child is in immediate danger, and to get help if needed.  If your child is in immediate danger, consider this an emergency.

• If you feel yor child isn't in immediate danger, acknowledge the pain as legitimate and offer to work together to get help.  Make sure you follow through.

Referring the Student to CAPS

Refer the student to CAPS if you feel it is appropriate.  Be sure to:

• Let them know that help is available and problems are treatable.
• Mention that the earlier problems are adressed, the better.
• Indicate that seeking help is a sign of strength and courage rather than a sign of weakness or failure, and is also a sign of good judgment and the appropriate use of resources.
• Prepare the student for what they might expect if they follow your suggestion, stressing confidentiality and free services (see CAPS services for more information).
• Give your child the CAPS number (687-6985) to make an appointment.

Emergencies

Emergencies are likely if the student is exhibiting:

• Suicidal behavior, attempts, and/or explicit statements 
• Extreme anxiety resulting in panic reactions
• Severe obsessive thinking
• Inability to communicate (garbled or slurred speech, disjointed thoughts)
• Confusion, disorientation, hallucinations, or delusions
• Highly disruptive behavior (hostility, aggression, violence)

Also be aware of the potential for violence, particularly if you notice:     

• Alcohol or drug intoxication
• Homicidal threats, written or verbal, or attempted assault
• Paranoia, agitation, hostility, aggression, recent acts of violence or property damage
• Destruction of property or other criminal acts

If you believe there may be an imminent danger of harm to the student or someone else, immediately call the Department of Public Safety, DPS (202-687-4343 or 202-687-HELP) if the student is on campus, or 911 if off campus.  Call CAPS for help in assessing the situation. 

Following-up:

• Make sure you follow through.  Give your child CAPS' contact info (phone number or website).  If you're in a position to help, don't assume that your persistence is unwanted or intrusive. 
• Check in with your child later to see if the referral appointment was kept, to solidify their resolve to obtain appropriate help, and to demonstrate your commitment to help them in this process.
• If they did go to an appointment, ask how it went, but respect their need for privacy.  
• Please keep in mind that, by law, CAPS cannot inform you that your son/daughter has made an appointment or has been seen, or of any content of sessions, treatment plans, or progress, unless he/she signs a Release of Information form that explains the purpose and content of any disclosures.  You can request to your child that they grant us permission to inform you of their attendance and/or level of safety.  If they agree, feel free to call us to let us know this, and we will raise this with the student and attempt to get their written permission.